Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Free Again Tomorrow!! 12/7/2016

Yep, I'm doing it again. My book will be offered for a free download tomorrow.

Here's the link:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LWICGL6

Or hit on the pretty picture over there in the sidebar!

'Tis the season for giving and you gotta give sobriety away to keep it, so that's what I'm doing! I'm selfish that way.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Just In Time For Christmas! Best Christmas Present You'll Ever Give! Free Book-Tomorrow! 12/5!

(Ok, so I lied about not posting until Jan.)

If you're worried about sticking to your moderation or abs goals this Christmas season, or if you'd like to screw with your friends' heads-I've got the perfect Christmas gift and it's Free-Tomorrow! (Kind of like Free Beer at your favorite bar, except in this case, tomorrow finally comes)

In a special exclusive offer to my blogger friends and the rest of the world, Neighbor Kary May's Handbook To Happily Drinking Less, or Not Drinking At All-Quite Happily
wiil be available for a free download on December 5 and again on December 6, 2016 as my Christmas gift to you. Yes, that's it in living color and yet another link over on the sidebar.
For those who have already purchased my book, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and to remind you that you also have an opportunity to give during this Christmas season by giving to the recovery community of your choice. If you email me proof of your purchase of my book, I will donate half of my proceeds from your purchase back to that community. 
Merry Christmas! Love You All!

***Sorry!! Earlier title said book would be free today, 12/6, also, but it isn't!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

WTF??!!! My Own Blog Doesn't Remember Who I Am!

For some reason blogger doesn't want to let me comment on my own blog but it will let me post.

I am doing better. As Groundhog Girl said in her comment, "There is an ebb and flow." Well, the cap'n and I are flowing again, however, I can't help but worry about how long the flow will continue to run smoothly. Perhaps it is like quitting drinking, you try and try and try and then...finally...the try lasts.

I am going to give myself a vacation from the blog until the first of 2017, I have too much going on with my toy drive, the annual MM fundraiser, and the usual Christmas stuff,  but I'll  be back on Jan. 1 just as shiny as a Christmas ornament on a tree whose last needles are hanging on for dear life.  (Not sure what that analogy is supposed to mean, but I like it.)

Merry Christmas To Each And Every One! If sobriety is your greatest wish for Christmas, I hope your stocking ends up bulging to capacity and spilling over all over the place.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

The Old Back And Forth

Sometimes I get really tired of going back and forth, I want to be happy and content in one place and just stay there forever, or at least until I get bored.

But that ain't how life works, is it?

I am back in Mexico and while I don't enjoy the days spent packing leading up to traveling here, or the travel, or the days of unpacking once I get here, the physical effort of that back and forth takes a miniscule amount of energy compared to the emotional effort. The emotional back and forth is draining.

During the summer, I live like a hermit in my mountain cabin, especially when the cap'n is working which is about 90% of the time. During the summer, I get to live life by my own rules and schedule and opinion. I get up when I want and go to bed when I want. I turn the tv on when I want, if I turn it on at all. I watch whatever shows I want, or sit on the computer all day long if  I want without someone there to make me feel guilty about ignoring them. I eat what I want, but still manage to feel guilty about a meal of potato chips or ice cream.

And best of all...

I don't have to discuss any of it with anyone.

There is no back and forth about, "Are you ready to go to bed?" or "What sounds good for dinner?"

(There's also no one talking at me, commenting about what the pundits are saying on "Meet The Press" or asking me about shopping receipts from yesterday when I'm trying to write a blog, which has happened about five times already while I have been trying to write these few lines.)

So, yes, the back and forth between Colorado and Mexico is difficult for me in more ways than geographical.

I haven't even talked about the drinking yet.

I still struggle greatly with the cap'n's drinking. I don't talk about it much on here out of respect for his privacy, but sometimes it overwhelms me so much...

During the summer, he is away but he also doesn't drink because he is working, so, even though it is long distance, during those too few months,I am married to a sober person. When we come to Mexico and he is not working, which at some point in the very near future, he will be doing on a permanent basis-not working that is-he drinks. I won't go into amounts or from what time in the morning until what time at night, but he drinks a lot. Like I used to.

And that back and forth is the scariest for me. Because I know I can't do it much longer. Certainly not for the rest of my or his lifetime. Life's too short.

It's scary for me also because it starts that old teeter-totter in my head.

"If I tried drinking again, I could stay in my marriage. Maybe I could moderate this time. Maybe I'd be happier than I am right now. Maybe drinking in moderation would fill those holes in my life that not drinking at all has left empty."

Then, yesterday, I was driving home from toy drive shopping with one of my best friends, a best friend who never knew me when I was drinking, a best friend I wouldn't have if I'd continued to drink and I was regaling her with stories about "Drinking Kary May." She'd heard some stories from other people but wanted to get it straight from the horse's mouth.

After sharing some of my funniest exploits, I told her, "I miss those times and I have to admit I haven't had near as much fun since I quit drinking. But the thing is, I know if I hadn't quit drinking, I probably would no longer have a relationship with any of my kids. I know I wouldn't be trusted with my grandchildren. I'd hate myself because of that. And I might very well be dead."

I can live with less fun.

I can live in this "place"-the not drinking place- happily and content forever.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Can We Talk?

Good morning all!

Donna Dierker over at Moderation Management will be interviewing me about my book tonight but it will be mostly a gab session. So, if you want to stop in and gab here's how to do it:

The "Expressions" Phone Meeting   Tuesdays at 9PM Eastern Time
Call 1-(641) 715-3580 (Teleconference Service- Long Distance call, Iowa area code)
After Connecting, enter Conference Code: 236-913 and Pound Sign (#)
Contact Donna: expressions@moderation.org

Monday, October 17, 2016

Yeah! What Jackie Said!

My fellow blogger, Jackie over at Sober Sassy Life wrote me last week to say that a comment on my last blog, "Why Is Moderation A Dirty Word?" made her think about how she responds to those who express an interest in or a desire to moderate. She decided to do a podcast on the subject and all I can say is, "Wow!"

Jackie has a way with words that I am envious of and I hope her words on the subject inspire others to revisit their own response to those who ask about moderation and to also take time to remember that not all of us are on the same "floor" of  the drinking spectrum-you'll have to listen to the Jackie's podcast, The Moderation Debate to understand what I'm talking about. Please listen to what Jackie has to say, ee owe it to ourselves and to others who are just finding the courage to reach out for help.

Perhaps, putting moderation on the table alongside of abstinence will draw more people to the feast of sobriety earlier. And, perhaps, being less afraid to come to the table, they will feast on the experiences and lessons that are lavishly displayed at a much younger age instead of struggling on their own for so long, as many of us did.  Perhaps they will find that moderation is more to their taste. Then, again, perhaps they will come to the table intent on partaking of only moderation, but find their eyes are drawn to abstinence. They have a taste and they come back for more.

Regardless, of whether you choose moderation or abstinence, I'll make room at my table for you.

Thank you Jackie for making room for everyone at your table, too!

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Why Is Moderation A Dirty Word?

I recently responded to a post on another sober blog about moderation.   One of the followers of that blog had written in and said that she was still struggling with the idea of giving up drinking forever and she was asking if moderation was possible. I responded, of course I did, that I do know people who moderate successfully, but it takes a lot of work and I'm not convinced that it ever becomes mindless or as unfettered as quitting all together.

My response that moderation was possible for some people was a lone soldier standing in a battlefield ringing with war cries of, "Moderation is a waste of time, impossible, and dangerous!"

A few days later, I read another comment from a follower who said that she had been abstinent for 8 years and then tried drinking. As we so often hear, and we know so often happens, she fell right back down the hell hole and was having a harder time climbing out than she'd ever had before.

I replied to her comment, "Thank you for sharing this. After five years of not drinking, I need to hear these stories to keep me on the path I'm on." Because, I do believe, for me, that trying drinking or even moderation again, would be dangerous. After all, I had started to exhibit signs of physical dependence and kindling.

I was informed my comment was awaiting "moderation." Now, I don't remember my comments needing moderation on this blog before, maybe they always had required this, but I don't think so. Maybe the blogger decided to moderate all comments on the post because the discussion of moderation is such a controversial subject in the sober world. It shouldn't be. Maybe my comment was moderated because I said that moderation is possible for some people. It is.

I don't think discussing moderation is dangerous, I think it is necessary. All of us tried it, for way too many years. On our own. Many of us avoided reaching out for help from others because we were told too often that our only solution is giving up alcohol completely forever, no matter the level of drinking we were worried about. If we were worried at all about our drinking, that must mean we have a problem and we should quit.

I'm calling bullshit on that.

So instead of reaching out to ask for help, when we first became concerned, we waited until we had become so lost and so embroiled in our habit and maybe so addicted, that, for many of us,  it did become impossible, a waste of time and downright dangerous to try and moderate.

See, I do believe moderation can be all those things, but not in the beginning, not when we first become concerned, not the first time we say, "I need to drink less."

Yes, some of us, even in the beginning, may find that moderation is an impossible goal for us. But wouldn't it be better to realize that sooner than later?

For some people, people like me, attempting moderation is the only step they can take and when you tell them it is a waste of time, that quitting all together is the only step available to them, it keeps them from taking any steps. And, to me, that is more dangerous than attempting moderation and failing.

This guy says it a whole lot better than me.